Will I practice?

Well,

I did! I practiced piano today! Just finished actually...

I set my timer on my phone for 30 minutes, promising myself that I won't torture for long, and sat down at the piano. When the timer went off, I was just getting fruatrated and slightly overwhelimgly upset at the compexities I had begun to feel. But literally, as those feelings began- it was a few seconds later that I was saved by the bell. And rather than soldier on, ignoring the timer- I took the alarm as a sign to keep the promise I had made to myself... do not torture yourself. Enjoy this! A victory step!!!

I almost missed my window of opportunity to even get to the piano today. I had already decided well before my first piano lesson yesterday, that I would set practice times during Thaniel's naptime. But, I fell asleep along with Thaniel while helping him down for his nap! Well, some time later- while having great sleep, I got a text message from Toya- and that woke me up!  Once the disorientation fizzed out, I realized that I had fallen asleep rather than gotten up to practice. So, instead of snuggling back in to Thanny's slumber- I laid him down and went to the piano. This was another vicory step for me!

I downloaded an app for keeping time, a metronome app- opened my lesson book and went to it!  You know... It feels weird practicing a lot of what I already know, but am so very rusty with, and it is equally strange to have this unnerving tap in the back of my thoights that say "everything you are playing now will be soon heard by your piano teacher... Now she may not judge you harshly or with negativity (you're hoping anayway!) But she will judge you. How do you feel about that?" I ask myself... and I don't quite know how I feel about it. It doesn't frighten me away from the task of practicing at the current moment... another victory!  And all the miracle I need today ��